I’m Afraid of Dying. Well, Maybe Not

Billy Goat Trail

I’m afraid of dying. Well, maybe not. I’m afraid of dying too soon. Dying before I get to make the impact that I want to make, or the impact I feel like I’m meant to make on the world.

That part is scary. It’s not that I think I’m the only one who can do it, or that I want to be the hero. It’s just that the work is so desperately needed right now. And it feels like it’d be such a shame to be down another person who can help make things better.

My whole life has been and continues to be a journey of healing. And I just see how alone and sad and lonely and miserable and hopeless and depressed and anxious and in pain most of the world is in. I guess it takes one to know one.

It breaks my heart. And I want to contribute to that being just a little lighter for folks. I want to show the path towards healing. Towards feeling truly happy again, or maybe for the first time. Towards connection and intimate authentic relationships. Towards joy and freedom.

I know I already bring some of that into the world just by being here. I guess I just want to bring more. So people know they’re not alone.

Cause man, I’ve felt so alone so much of my life. I didn’t even know what healthy connection could feel like. And now that I’m on the other side, it just gives me so much hope. For everyone. No matter how far out they may seem.

Maybe my gift is that I have an undying hope in the goodness of people. No matter how grim it’s gotten. I know there’s goodness in there. And I believe we can uncover it and find it again.

So anyway. I’m glad to be alive today. I hope I’m here for a long time. Cause there’s lots of work to be done. And I’m just so grateful for the chance to be on this wild ride of being human, and being me.

To learn how to make peace and make sense of things from the inside out. And all the beauty that’s along the way. And the love. It makes it all worth living. 

And man. I didn’t always have that drive to keep living. So I feel like if I’ve made it through those fires and survived it, I want to go back in the flames. I want to show someone else the way out. Cause those fires don’t scare me anymore. 

Anyway. I know I’ll make the impact I’m meant to make while I’m here. And I just want to make the most of it. So here’s to life, here’s to hope, here’s to love. 

If you’re reading this, I love you, fellow human.

You’re doing a great job.