Dear Future Partner: The Boring Parts - #7

Trip to NY, 2022

Do you ever wish someone asked about the boring parts of your day? You know, all the insignificant, “in-between” moments.

Because with friends, family, whoever, there’s limited time. Cut to the chase. Give me the highlights.

But no. I don't want the abridged, cleaned up version. I want to hear all the mundane parts.

The thoughts you thought when waiting in line and seeing the one lady’s fancy outfit.

The random idea you had on the way to the grocery store.

Your commentary on the price of milk and all the different kinds there are these days.

It’s sad, sometimes. It feels like all those mundane thoughts I have never get shared when you’re not around (and I’ve realized with my ADHD brain, there’s probably a LOT more than what’s typical).

There’s no good occasion to bring those things up. So it’s kinda like, they just die, never getting the chance to see the light of someone else’s understanding.

Maybe that’s why I talk to strangers so much. There’s so much always in my head. And I don’t have someone waiting for me to come home, interested to hear it all. So maybe I have to spread a little bit of it wherever I can. To all the random people I come across.

I can’t let the moments go unnoticed: I wonder if I knew that guy. I have to ask him. That T-shirt, that’s amazing, I need to tell them.

The Homeless Guy

And is it weird that I wave to the homeless guy on the corner even though I don’t have anything to give him? He always seems surprised that I’m giving him direct eye contact and a smile.

I guess even people giving him money don’t really do it with a smile. It’s a look of pity, I guess.

I don’t know. I just try to acknowledge them. Hi. I see you.

They must have A LOT of thoughts each day. I bet time must go by a lot slower. And to not have someone to share that all with at the end of the day? No wonder some of them talk to themselves.

There’s this homeless guy that stays in the apartment mailroom sometimes at night. I’ve run into him a couple times. The landlord told me to call the cops when I see him, but they never come in time before he leaves. One time, I was so spooked to see him that I fell backward and broke my foot. I think after he heard my surprised scream, he was more scared than I was (I don’t do well with jump scares).

It feels like it could be a movie scene with the way I hype myself up to be really mean to him the next time I see him, and still it never quite comes out that way.

I end up saying the right words, that he can’t stay there, that he needs to leave, but I still can’t manage to be mean to him. I set the boundary, and I’m stern, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still care and feel for the dude not having a place to go.

It’s taken me a while to learn to hold both of those at the same time.

I care a lot. It’s super rare for me to react mean towards someone. It’s just not really in me. Or maybe I've just learned to keep people at the distance I need in order to still love them.

I wrote this article once about another homeless guy who said, “I’m just trying to make it,” and that really stuck with me. Me too. And I wrote about the time I gave a homeless guy in New York $40 when I was in college, now that I think about it.

I only just now realized that I have multiple articles about homeless people.

Former versions of me

Idk. Maybe I see myself like them, not all that different. The underdog. The one who has had so much stacked against me. But somehow, I’ve managed to find my way out. So I don’t see them as some “other”—just as a former version of me.

And I’ve learned how to love and forgive the former versions of me:

The religious fanatic. The blacked out addict. The homophobic crusader. The honor roll kid. The girl who just wanted her dad. The angry teenager. The depressed girl who just wanted to die. The desperate runaway. The one who would settle for attention from anyone who would give it. The dissociated trauma survivor. The anxious partner is just desperate to hold it together. The anxious corporate all-star.

All these chapters I’ve had to make peace with. It’s like they were landmines on a property I needed to clear out before it was safe to wander about and explore.

Chapters where I believe in myself

I’m writing much brighter chapters for myself these days. About a woman who believes in herself, on a deep level. It’s freaking scary, dude. Sometimes all the accolades on paper seem like they must be describing someone else. I give myself grace when I feel awkward and afraid of being stretched in these new ways.

I've filled in a lot of the holes; now I'm finally ready to build. And that’s exciting.

For a while there I’d tell myself how I wished I’d meet you earlier so you could help me believe in myself. I felt so broken. Like I really needed that support, for that someone to see how hard it can be for me every day. To see the struggle. And to still have hope and believe in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. Sure, that would’ve been great. But I realized, I couldn’t wait for you. And I didn’t want to depend on you for my self-worth, either.

I had to learn for myself. And I'm still learning.

Trusting the universe moments

Anyway, I know this is just part of the story we’ll get to tell. For how the universe needed to wait for the precise right moment for us to both be ready for our lives to intersect. And I guess I probably wouldn't be attracted to someone who didn’t have that belief of themself on a deep level. So I’m glad I’ll be able to bring that to the table, too.

Yeah.

See how all these random thoughts come along? It’s either talk to myself, random strangers, or fill up a bunch of these digital pages. So here it is.

I hope you’re taking mental notes so I can hear about the mundane parts of your day too, someday. Like today, December 20, 2025. What were you doing? It’ll just be funny to know. To look back.

Anyway, it's 12 Days of Christmas. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t be writing, and this would stay in my head.

So, you’re welcome.

Thank you for listening.

Love,

Jols

P.S. Oh yeah, I made my own hot chocolate tonight. I ran out of packets but I was really craving it. I did it with powdered milk, cause that’s all I had, and you know, it wasn’t that bad, actually. But swap the stevia for normal sugar next time. And add some marshmallows, too.