7 Reasons Our Resolutions Won’t Stick

Dec 18

If you’ve ever had a resolution set that didn’t last past January or February, you're not alone. In fact, some studies suggest that only 9% of people who make goals for the new year end up keeping them.

It turns out of those 90%+ of folks who don’t keep their resolutions, there are common reasons why they don’t last. Many of them are very simple, but as motivational speaker Jim Rohn would say, “What’s simple to do is also simple not to do.”

As a professional life coach, I meet with people every day who have great ambitions of what they want to achieve, and yet have lots of confusion as to why they’re not successful. The thing is, it typically comes down to just a few common mistakes.

Check out this list to learn what those top pitfalls are, and what you can do about it. Some of them might be things you’ve heard of, but read until the end and you’ll definitely find a way to diagnose whatever roadblock you’re encountering.

1. We have a goal, not a plan.

You know, the goal to run the marathon this year. To lose that weight. To eat better. Whatever it is, that’s great! But without a detailed roadmap of how we’re going to build towards that on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis, we’ll probably not make much progress.

Many of us think the surge of motivation at the beginning of the year will be enough to carry us through. But as James Clear, author of NY Times Bestseller Atomic Habits says, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” In other words, whatever we achieve or don’t achieve is a product of our systems and habits, not our aspirations, dreams, or goals.

For instance, anyone can have a goal to get really in shape and make it to the Olympics. But that goal is only going to be achieved by the person who follows through with the plan to work drills and show up to work with their coach every morning.

In other words, goals don’t magically happen without effort. And life won’t magically conspire to make things easy on us, which is why we need to put in the footwork to make those goals actually happen. And those individual daily steps need to be reasonable, which brings us to our next common pitfall…

2. We plan too big, too fast.

There’s nothing wrong with having big dreams and big goals. In fact, I encourage my clients to dream even bigger! The problem is, for most of us, big goals don’t inspire us as much as they overwhelm us. We can become frozen and paralyzed.

Or we can quickly lose steam and get burnt out by trying to go from 0 to 100 overnight. Sure, it might work for a week or two, maybe even a month. But if we want to build long term change and consistency, we need to start in a sustainable way.

In other words, we need to also set short term, micro goals. In other words, maybe a daily goal of just walking 1,000 more steps than average. Or a weekly goal of making it to the gym at least once. Often what I see is the equivalent of people who haven’t been to the gym in months or years suddenly try to go 5 days a week. And it doesn’t work.

If we really want to set ourselves up for success, we’d be much better off setting a goal of just 1-2 days a week to start. And once those become easy and routine for us, sure, we can add more. But trying too much too fast is a recipe for failure.

Remember, there’s no perfect plan. The best plan is the one you actually keep consistently.

And speaking of perfection…

3. We’re expecting perfection.

We need to be realistic with ourselves. Perfection is not needed for us to grow. But oftentimes, we act as if we need to be absolutely perfect with adhering to our new habit changes in order for us to progress. It's great when that pressure works to keep us on track, but what happens when we miss a day? When we fall off the horse, so to speak?

Many of us don’t create any contingency plans for when things go wrong because we just assume we’ll be perfect.

But we need to be equally prepared, practically and mentally, for days where we slip up. It’s not about IF, but about WHEN. And we need to learn to forgive ourselves, learn from it, and get back on the train.

This seems to be the hardest part for people. It’s as if we think we already messed up our chances by not being perfect. Instead, acknowledge that perfection isn’t needed for there to be progress. And make a plan so that 2 days don't go by without your new habit in place. Remember, progress! Not perfection!

At the end of the year, someone who trips up every other day and gets back on the horse will be more consistent than someone with a month straight who falls off and never gets back on.

Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself. And let’s keep moving. Fall 7 times, get up 8.

Sometimes that can be hard to do by ourselves though, which is why we can’t do this alone….

4. We don’t have support.

Again, we need to be realistic that with any new habit change, we’re facing an uphill battle. All our old programming and habits are wired in our brain, and at times things can get really hard and discouraging. With the science of neuroplasticity, we know that we can slowly create new wiring patterns in our brain, but it’s going to take time and effort.

That’s why we need others around us who know about our goals, and can support and lift us back up. The last thing we need is people pulling us back down, maybe without even knowing it, because we haven’t opened up to them about what we’re trying to accomplish.

So let the people in your life know what you’re working towards, and let them know how they can help. Maybe just checking in. Maybe not offer us that lunch outing at that delicious bakery where everything smells so amazing we just want to ingest all of it in one swoop (or is that just me?).

Great things are never made alone. We need a team. Whether that’s friends, a coach, a mentor, or others, we need to have a tribe. So we need to practice openness and vulnerability to let our friends support us when things inevitably get hard.

5. There’s no accountability.

Having support and cheerleaders is good. But we also need accountability. In other words, someone who can be honest with us about how we’re doing, and call us out when we’re falling back into old habits without realizing it.

Some of us can do this on our own with a practice of self-reflection and self-honesty. Maybe a nightly routine of asking ourselves how we did today: what went well, and what we’ll do better for tomorrow.

But for many of us, it helps to have an objective person there to help hold us accountable. It’s typically a lot easier to keep our word to someone else than it is to ourselves. So that’s where having an accountability coach, a trainer, or someone we respect hold us accountable can be really helpful.

Okay, we’re onto the last two pitfalls for why our goals don’t stick. And these are typically the hardest to spot by ourselves…

6. We don’t have a deep enough “Why.”

Setting goals we “should” have is typically a recipe for a quick fizzle out. In other words, we have to have a deep and personal reason for why we’re choosing to focus on that goal, right now. And this needs to be deep and big enough that it can still pull us forward even when we’re facing challenges and setbacks.

It can’t be a generic, “I want to be healthier.” We need to get really deep and honest with ourselves. What about being healthier would make a real difference in your life? Why now? This is going to be a tough journey, why are we signing up for that hard work? What are we willing to give up to make that happen?

We’re only motivated to change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. In other words, it’s going to be hard either way. But we have to choose our hard and WHY that’s worth it.

The clients I work with who are willing to continue the work and push through really difficult and emotional transitions are the ones who have a steady and personal “Why” that can keep them focused on the goal even when things are getting hard.

And lastly, this is the most difficult part in goals not being successful…

7. We have self-sabotaging blindspots.

Sometimes, it seems like everything is lined up for us to achieve a new habit or change in our lifestyle: we have a plan, support, accountability from friends or a partner, yet somehow it seems like we just keep ending up spinning our wheels with our old habits, even though it doesn't make logical sense why.

These can be some of the most confounding times in our lives–when we don't understand why we do this thing that logically and rationally we don't want to do, or vice versa.

If you see this happening, chances are you have a blindspot. A blindspot is a behavior or mindset we have on a subconscious level, without our conscious awareness. That’s why it is called a blindspot, we don’t know that we have it. Think of it like having something stuck in your teeth: you need someone else to tell you or hold up a mirror for you to see it yourself.

The thing is, sometimes we have blindspots that lead us to self-sabotage ourselves from making progress or reaching success. It might seem like it’s counterintuitive, but really, it's because our emotional brain is holding onto something for the sake of familiarity rather than what it perceives could be dangerous or painful.

For example: many times people have a blindspot around sabotaging their chances of success because the idea of actually being successful is either scary or potentially painful. Maybe that success would force them to face how they are not who they thought they were, or maybe something from their past made it so being successful is somehow equated to danger or there being something bad about it. Maybe being successful could alienate them from the people they care about. Maybe success and wealth just has an icky connotation to it, and we’re worried about it corrupting us.

Many of these blindspots can also come from childhood or beliefs we’ve picked up from our families over time that we realize don’t actually serve us as the adults we are today.

Again, this is where getting a counselor or coach to help you become aware of your subconscious blindspots can be a game-changer in actually achieving your goals. Many times people don’t realize how they’ve been somehow working against themselves, almost like driving a car with the e-brake on, until these blindspots are addressed.

If you have friends who are very intuitive and good listeners, they might be able to help you spot some of these, too. Often, other people are much more aware of our blindspots than we are. And that’s another reason we need to pursue goals with community support, not in isolation.

Set yourself up for success with your goals

Can you spot yourself in some of these points? If you do, listen, you’re not alone. There’s no sense in beating yourself up for it. Most of us were never taught these life skills, so how are we supposed to know?

The key thing here is to spot where we can make an improvement, and then focus on what small changes we can make without being too hard on ourselves along the way. Maybe it’s going to a workshop to help you really iron out a plan. Maybe it’s working with a coach to help you stay accountable.

So give yourself a real chance this year: make a realistic plan, get some support, and embrace consistency over perfection. You’ll be so glad you did. And if you could use some more support, I’m here for you.

Jolie Higazi