This is for anyone who is starting over, who is lost, grieving a life they were accustomed to, and grieving a future that’s never going to come.

Two years ago today, I started over. I left behind my life with a partner, a house, dogs, cats, and even a version of myself that I’d been living for the better half of a decade. It was heavy. I couldn't picture myself ever not being sad again. It felt like it was never going to get better.

It will, though. So if you’re in that place, here’s my story to give you some hope.

When people ask what it’s like having been clean for over a decade, it’s a loaded question. It’s hard to sum it all up in a simple response. It’d be like asking someone, “So, you’ve been alive for a few years now, what do you think of this whole being human thing?”

I’ve officially written and published more in a 12 day consecutive period than I ever have before, and that’s a huge win for this procrastinating writer with lots to say and yet so little that makes it onto the published page.

Here are a couple things I’ve learned over these past 12 days.

Someone who asks how you slept last night.
Someone to talk to about the wild dreams you both had.
Someone to talk to about your big dreams for the future, too.

Someone to stay up late and watch the game with.
Someone to grab the remote when it’s too far away.
Someone to say “I love you” to in the middle of the night.

Being single gets a bad rap. It’s painted as if being single is the intermission between the two parts of the show: just a time to go pee and grab some snacks, but nothing too important is going on, you’re not going to miss anything.

That’s all a load of crap.

Let's talk about friendship. I would argue that true friends are one of the best things about humanity and human connection. There's something about good friends that makes you feel alive.

Amidst all my recent traveling, I’ve done lots of thinking about photos: what they’re really for, who they’re really for, what makes a good photo, why it’s probably a waste of time to aspire to have perfect photos, and why we still bother going to places we’ve seen photos. Anyway, here are some of those thoughts.

This one is a treat! I wrote this story in 2010 as part of an English college course, and I thought I’d lost it. Today, I accidentally stumbled upon it and was so thrilled. Here’s my story about the time I gave a houseless man in New York $40.

When we’re kids, everyone asks us what we want to be when we grow up. They ask this as if we can have only one answer to the question, like we can’t change our minds. I don’t think we should ask children, “What do you want to be?” That puts a lot of pressure to have the right answer before their brain is even done being formed. Instead, what if we asked them, “What do you want to try first?” Anyway, here’s how I’d answer the question with all the things I’d want to be.

Do you want to know what the funny thing is about quitting coffee? Well- actually, I guess there are a couple of funny things I’ve learned about it in the little under a year that I’ve quit for.

Call me crazy, but I have this thing, I love going to the dentist.

And to be fair, I guess it isn’t the actual cleaning and sitting in the dentist chair that I love, but it’s this moment right after it’s done when I’m getting checked out by the receptionist on my way out. The lady always asks — with a huge smile, of course — “Ready to book your next appointment?”

I fell in love. I crashed.
Everything about her
The way her hair shines in the sun
I love her unreserved smile
Her cheeks that can barely contain her face
Her inability to keep a straight face for very long
The way she can barely keep her eyes open when she laughs

I started compiling this list during the early days of COVID. It took me a while to realize that I was really holding up pretty well, staying grounded, getting my needs met, despite many people around me not having the same experience.

I’ve been practicing some new phone and social media habits for a few months now that have had a really positive impact on me that I thought were worth sharing. It started when I went camping during the summer and spent two days without internet reception.

1. Sometimes the best of pals are made of the most unlikely pairs.

2. It doesn't take very long to decide whether you and another dog are a good match.

3. Some dogs will want to play with you, some won’t.

4. Some dogs you’ll want to play with, others, not so much.

I don't know what’s gotten into me. I have this grand idea — it’s to get on the road and travel the country. Only, it may be more than just an idea. It’s as if I can hear this echo, telling me I must go.

There’s something funny that happens when I tell people that I’m traveling alone. A few months ago I was telling my friends about a road trip I was getting ready to take down the Pacific Coast Highway.

Then they ask, “Who are you going with?”

And I say, “No one. “

And then the sequence of questions stops. It’s like they can’t go any further in this conversation until they clarify that I did in fact mean what I just said.

A story about heartbreak, and how to explain it to someone who has never experienced it.

If you had asked me what I thought my hardest workout would’ve looked like, I would’ve given you a very different answer before this happened.