Oh, the lives of dogs in Akumal. Where they don’t seem to need us.

But it just makes me wonder, pup, what it’d be like. If you had a person to love. A person who loved you back. A person who cared if you went missing. Who’d go out looking for you to make sure you were okay. Someone who would lose sleep trying to find you.

Someone who would check your throat for lodged bones. Someone who would itch that favorite spot on your back that makes your butt wiggle.

Oh, what it would be like.

You could be someone’s soul dog, you know. And they could be your favorite person. But maybe it just has to be in another life. When you’re born somewhere else.

I love doing this because it gives equal weight to each of the happenings of my year. Whether it was a huge deal or not, it still gets one line. It’s something that happened, and somehow, it’s changed me, or possibly just helped nurture along something that was already inside of me. Enjoy.

I’ve done enough work to realize that we all have shitty parts. I don’t expect you to be perfect. Please don’t expect that I am, either. No one ever sees the worst parts off the bat. We’re too busy seeing each other in those rose colored glasses. So I thought, let me save us both some time. I’ll just tell you about my worst parts, right off the bat, so you know what you’re getting into.

I think I’ve been running from you my whole life. As much as I say I want us to find each other and be together, my feet have been moving in the other direction turn after turn.

It’s like right when I get an inkling that I’m getting closer to you, my body pivots and turns away. And as I think back, I can see all these lies I’ve told myself to justify and fuel my running away.

“I don't need anyone.”

When I was a teenager, I never had those dreams and fantasies of having a life with someone I loved. I come from a divorced family, and no one in my extended family had what even closely resembled a successful relationship, so it wasn’t really something I wanted at all.

Intimacy? Let people get to know me? Never heard of it, no thanks. I was fine with just me, my drugs, some booze, and my journal. I was angry, and my refrain was “leave me (the fuck) alone.”

You know that innocent, “I can’t live without you, you complete me” kind of love? Yea, I used to want that, but not anymore. 

I want someone who knows the crushing feeling of heartbreak. Someone who has had to claw their way out from the depths of despair. Someone who has had to wonder if they’d ever not be sad again. 

Maybe you relate from when you first realized that who you thought was your person, actually wasn’t. Maybe from back when you said I do and then had to reckon with all the disentangling when you realized you don’t. Maybe your side never changed, but theirs did. Or, maybe, they’re not even here anymore to have a side. 

I borrowed this idea from Austin Kleon, who annually puts together a list of his top 100 things from that year. I instead of “top moments,” I prefer to just sum up as best as I can my year in 100 tidbits.

I love doing this because it gives equal weight to each of the happenings of my year. Whether it was a huge deal or not, it still gets one line. It’s something that happened, and somehow, it’s changed me, or possibly just helped nurture along something that was already inside of me. Enjoy.

1. Started physical therapy for a shoulder impingement

2. Tried cupping and dry needling (love it)

3. Went to a Korean Spa and walked around naked

4. Wrote a poem about being in love

5. Hiked the Manitou Incline in Colorado Springs, CO

Hi. It’s wild to think that you’re on the planet already. Like, you actually do exist, right now, as I’m writing this. That’s a wild concept. Cause now it feels like this energy I’m putting into this is actually going somewhere.

And to be honest, it’s scary to think it’s ending up all the way to you. There’s still some fear, for sure. Sometimes I think I need to be perfect before I can be in a relationship with you. I know that’s not true. I’m just tired.

I hope you like napping like I do. Or– if you like cooking! Omg, if you like cooking, and you cook while I take a nap, I think that’s all we’ll need. Because I will wake up with such appreciation and gratitude and shower it all upon you. If you’re having a bad day or feeling down about yourself, just make me food while I’m sleeping and I’ll make sure you know EXACTLY what type of rockstar you are when I wake up.

On New Year's Eve, these two friends of mine will be celebrating 20 years of marriage.

I recently got to spend a long weekend with them in Chicago, and discovered an interesting answer to the question of, “How do y’all make it work after so long?”

You don’t even understand how hard it is to try to boil down my 2 week backpacking trip into the “best parts.” It’s like trying to ask someone what the best part of a cake recipe is: it only works because all the ingredients are there working together.

Nevertheless, people keep asking me some of the highlights, so I did my best to try to distill some of my favorite parts of my trip. These are by no means all suggestions or things that I think everyone would equally enjoy, but they’re the parts that for me made me so over the top giddy.

That’s the thing about travel–it’s not about following someone else’s itinerary. There’s no guarantee that if they had a great time doing something then you automatically will also. It’s about creating your own journey based on what you know about yourself, what you enjoy, what you don’t.

I made it a goal to read at least 100 books in 2021, and against all odds, I did. (I think I ended around 103.)

I’ve been meaning to write about my experience going through that, as it really left a positive mark on me. So here are the answers to some commonly asked questions, and other thoughts.

I’ve always been attracted to nerdy folks who read a lot. And something about books has always provided me comfort. I have pictures of me as a teenager having stacks of books from book sales, that to this day, I still have, even though I haven't read them. There’s some sort of comfort they bring me just having them around that I really love. (Bookstores and libraries–I love the whole vibe.)

Part of what I love to do is connect with people and share their stories. Here’s an interview with who has to be one of the best coaches I’ve ever worked with: Adam Daugherty, MBA, Certified Crossfit Trainer (Level 3). He’s a Crossfit Coach and former gym owner living in Detroit with over 12,000 hours of coaching under his belt. While most people would say 10,000 hours equals mastery, he explains why that’s actually a load of crap. He shares his experience with finding his calling as a coach, what most coaches get wrong, and how he uses that to help people breed consistency in their fitness journey.

It’s an insightful conversation whether you’re in the fitness world or not and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

In the words of Adam: “I feel like everybody has the ability to be great at something. The people that aren't or don't feel like that's true just have not figured out what they can be great at.”

The audio (with timestamps) and transcript are available below, along with some of my favorite quotes and insights from Adam. 

Hey Jols,

I love you so much. Thank you for all you’ve done to help keep me safe this year. There’s been so much chaos. I know this all took a massive toll on you and on this body of ours. I’m so proud of you for staying strong and staying true to who you are. I want you to know that I am so glad this is the body I get to be in. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I know you’re heavier than you’ve ever been, and I need you to know that I love you just the same. I understand how we got here–you had some heavy things to carry these past several months.

A 97-year old friend of mine passed away earlier this month.

(I say “a” as if I have plenty of friends in their 90s, but really, she was the only one. And the full context of “friend” is my ex-fiance's aunt's wife's mom, but I don't technically think there’s a title for that. “Friend” I think sums it up a little better.)

Margo Clancy was a spunky lady, is how I can best put it. We had an instant connection–she had a big sense of humor and a sweet heart with lots of sarcasm. Meanwhile, I was an attentive audience for her stories and a willing participant in her jokes. It was a great match. We both had tough skin and could take being slightly roasted by each other.

Margo’s birthday was just a few days before mine, and as Gemini sisters we always laughed about something or another whenever we talked. I guess there’s a certain level of closeness you need with someone to be able to make fun of each other and have it taken in kind. We shared that. I always celebrated whenever she got me with a good joke or comment.

When I least expected it, she’d always insert into our conversation a reminder about how I shouldn’t be jealous of how beautiful she was. She made sure I'd never forget that she would always be more gorgeous than me, and I was fine with it.

When I first re-entered the dating world, it was a rollercoaster of emotions–I’d have the highs of making a new connections and thinking it could be the perfect person, the anxiety of not knowing the “right” thing to say on a message or on a date, and then the lows of being ghosted or let down by a date not meeting my expectations.  

Since then, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes for me to have a healthy dating life that’s helped me look at dating not with dread or with exhaustion and feeling constantly disappointed or let down–but with the excitement of a new adventure in meeting new people. 

Dating doesn’t need to be so hard, and I’ll show you how. After all, dating isn’t about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the person you’d want to date. 

Simply, because my life is better without it. 

Getting high wasn’t an experience, but a solution. The solution to the problem that was me. It was my way of coping with feeling so out of place in my own skin. I had so much hatred and disgust for myself and the life I was living. And there was so much unresolved trauma and pain. 

Living in my own head 24/7 was so exhausting, and getting high was a way out where I didn’t need to feel or think about it.

If I was still getting high or drinking, there’s no way I’d have the courage to do the soul searching work that I do.

It’d sound much easier to just grab just a couple drinks to try to forget about my problems.

On that note, since I’m an addict, there’s no such thing as “just a couple” of anything. If it makes me feel good, I want more of it. Even if it starts to cause me and those around me more pain at the end of the day.

I used to freak out on airplanes. Leading up to the flight, being on it, and even landing. Just about every moment from thinking about that upcoming plane trip until I actually touch down back home from my connecting flights (because surviving one flight wasn’t enough to cure my anxiety) was absolutely horrifying.

I would try to not sleep the night before so I could sleep through the takeoff, with the thought that if something catastrophic (and likely very loud and disturbing) happened, that I’d merrily sleep my way through it. 

Now when I think of that poorly planned strategy, I picture everyone else screaming at the top of their lungs, freaking out, and then they’d see me sleeping peacefully in my window seat and shush each other, saying, “We may be going down, but be quiet— we wouldn’t want to wake this lady.” 

Yea, I don’t think so. But somehow, it made sense at the time.

Hey-

You seem really interesting, and I’d love to get to know you better. What do you think about going out on a date?-- And before you answer, I have an idea. Instead of getting dinner or grabbing a coffee, what if we do something else?

Why don’t we hit the gym together? You can come to mine, or I can come to yours.

I know it’s maybe not the most traditional thing, but think about it: do you really want to meet someone at their “best,” when they’re dressed up, with makeup and all proper and put together? I’d rather meet someone at their worst, when they’re exhausted, disheveled, and not overthinking the “right” thing to say.

I’m kind of bored of fake smiles and awkward, nervous laughs over coffee. (I don’t even drink coffee.)

Someone asked me recently, “What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?” and it forced me to reflect.

My life is characterized by constant, little struggles that I intentionally choose so that I can continue to grow. I push myself slightly outside my comfort zone little by little, bit by bit, so that it’s not even noticeable when it’s happening.

Then, there are some moments that I can look back on life where it was definitely more than a “1% out of my comfort zone” situation. Those were some of my hardest times.

As I write this, there are two specific events that stand out the most.

Hi. I’m Jolié. I’m going to be your writer for the next…however long it takes to fill your 200 pages. Normally it takes about a year to finish writing in journals like you. One time it took me just 6 months–I was going through a really bad breakup and I had A LOT to say.

There’s a couple things we should probably hash out as we begin this journey together.

Being with you is like floating down the river
after a long time swimming upstream.

Being with you is learning a new language
and realizing I already know some of the words.